One of our authors suggests collecting the mental  imagery that turns you on into a ‘personal porno.’ It helps put you in the mood and declutter your mind.  Everyone is turned on by things that they don’t understand, which can be surprising or sometimes even seemingly embarrassing. No one should judge their own tendencies. We assure you we all fantasize about some weird stuff. Starting with the hang up that many people have about masturbation itself, working to cultivate a positive and open headspace for sex and pleasure is incredibly important. That being said, you obviously need to be safe and keep others safe in this pursuit, so if you have thoughts or fantasies regarding people who do not consent or cannot give consent (for example, due to age or incapacitation) we encourage you to reach out to the resources on page 31.  

Be the O, Don’t Seek the O 

It can be frustrating when you feel like you can’t achieve orgasm. First timers and people having trouble finding their route to orgasm, be patient! The less time spent working towards a “goal,” the better. While ending a masturbation with an orgasm seems like a convenient closing point, the rush to the finish removes all of the valuable and enjoyable time in which to explore and learn about what pleasure feels, looks and smells like in each body.  

Masturbation should be more of a space of exploration than a journey to the end. While sometimes you need to just rub one out,  masturbation can and should be a judgment-free zone for everyone to learn what turns them on.  Some people will learn exactly what works for them, for example, some people use lube every time they masturbate, while others, for example, people with circumcised penises, may enjoy the friction caused by a different type of stimulation.  For some people, masturbation comes very easily both physically and mentally, and for others, adding sensations such as porn or toys into the mix can be really helpful for sinking into the right space. 

Consume as much research as you can, and look for scientifically backed and factual resources that come from unbiased sources. Have fun, be informed, be strong, and pursue pleasure!