Let's start with some basic definitions related to heightened emotion, sensation, and awareness. If we're sensitive, we might catch quick, slight changes in our environment or the person(s) in our environment. As an empath, we can apprehend the emotional state of others. We can feel what others feel deeply and as our own. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), we might have a low threshold for stimulations (e.g. light, sound, smells, crowds). As a result, social situations may become overwhelming. It takes time for us to transition, and we might feel the physical manifestation of our sensitivity, such as grinding our teeth, tight jaw, or headaches. Of course, like all things human, we can be any of these things, together or separate, in any combination, at any time in our lives. Often getting to know these things about ourselves can be frustrating and make us feel isolated and without refuge or resources. It is in choosing to view our sensitivity and empathy as a superpower that we can find solace and sexiness. In our discussion with Jessie Fresh during the Virtual Curiosity Salon, she shows us how to do just that. 

Before we harness our newfound power, we need to acknowledge it. That way, we can learn our needs and begin to advocate for them; our boundaries can be discovered, explored, and set. As we journey through acceptance, advocacy, and boundaries, remember to check-in. Then, just like a proper X-men, we can start to feel our power in our nervous system, assess how it manifests inside us, and find out what it needs to feel validated and satiated. When it comes to sex, these needs could be expanded needs or new needs from what we'd previously explored. Hence the work we've done to learn and express these needs to ourselves and our partners. 

Now we're ready for our uniform. A complex and unique energy field forms our cape. Energy boundaries are all about using our imagination to perceive how we feel. To discover our energy field, we can visualize our "personal bubble". Often energy fields are described with colors - like the chakras, textures, and the space they encompass. We can discover ours by closing our eyes and meditating on these descriptive visuals. It can be challenging to trust ourselves when imagining what our cape should look like, but we can start to dismantle those doubts with practice and muscle memory. Our cape will change depending on our feelings, environment, and other external stimuli. This magical, shapeshifting cloak is a tremendous tool in aiding the super-sensitive person's navigation through actions and reactions to space and people.  

Sometimes, we have to meet a supervillain. When someone invades our energy field without consent or context, it can send us into fight/flight/freeze mode. When someone enters our personal space, whether a partner, stranger, or new lover, it's hard to communicate what we need in order to feel super again. Jessie offers us the red light, green light method. We might ask our partner for more physical space with curiosity for what the encounter has the potential to become. For example, if our partner approaches our bubble and we're triggered into fight/flight/freeze, we can say something along the lines of, "Can you try backing up 6 feet and letting me feel your desire from afar? I want to feel it in your body and your breath, see it in your pupils and your stance." This way, sensitivity can meet the energy created. We can let the moment build and form desire from the anticipation of touch or taste within our boundaries.  

If the movies have taught us anything, it's that every superhero has their kryptonite, or at least a voyeuristic desire to get caught. (That's a deep cut for all you Batman fans; we're talkin' about The Riddler). For the sake of this analogy, we're reframing our kryptonite very lovingly and positively as our turn-ons. Jessie laid out some touch preferences or Erotic Blueprints to arousal. There are five, and each has its arousal specificities. 

THE ENERGETIC BLUEPRINT 

What is it: The Energetic Blueprint can feel touch by anticipation from afar (i.e. hovering contact, expansive personal bubble, etc.) Hovering and light touch can be extremely potent for the Energetic Blueprint; even the peach fuzz on their arm is susceptible to electric sensation. Try the "peach fuzz touch" by following veins with fingertips.

Toys and turn-ons to stimulate: Toys that can be good for this Blueprint are feathers, crystals, or brushes/brooms/bristles. 

THE SEXUAL BLUEPRINT

What is it: The Sexual Blueprint appreciates immediate genital acknowledgment and pursuit. This Blueprint often requires little in the way of foreplay and wants to get into the action right away. 

Toys and turn-ons to stimulate: Toys that penetrate or stimulate the genitals or sex organs are good for the Sexual Blueprint. Porn can be a strong turn-on for this Blueprint since it is incredibly visual. 

THE SENSUAL BLUEPRINT

What is it: The Sensual Blueprint finds arousal in all five of their senses. It can be useful to deprive of a sense in order to heighten the others (blindfold) or immerse one's senses (sound bath).

Toys and turn-ons to stimulate: Toys that can be good for this Blueprint are furs, essential oils, bunny floggers (suede and fur), pearls, chains (heavy, cold/warm), temperature play, and bondage. 

THE KINKY BLUEPRINT

What is it: The Kinky Blueprint explores taboo to get turned on. 

Toys and turn-ons to stimulate: The sky's the limit for toys depending on the kink. Spanking, bondage, and scratching are all practices this Blueprint might enjoy. 

THE SHAPESHIFTER BLUEPRINT

What is it: The Shapeshifter - you guessed it - explores pleasure through all of the above. 

*POW! Super tip: If you'd like to find out what Blueprint best suits you, you can take this quiz on Jessie's site. 

Now that we've officially accepted our super-ness and all that comes with it, we can embrace sensitivity in our daily lives and integrate it into our permissions and communication. Permission and consent between ourselves and our partners help build trust, relax our nervous system, turn on our brains, and create anticipation and erotic tension. We can prioritize creating moments for "yes" to show-up, or sexy pauses to reaffirm consent during intimacy. We can do this in a number of ways, but safe-porting is something used by professionals that can be very useful. It is the practice of saying what you are going to do before you do it. For example, our massage therapist might say, "I'm going to touch your shoulder now." Invite language that is curious by using verbiage like "would you be willing to..." or "I'd like to…" These are opportunities during sex to communicate our needs, but these conversations can happen pre-intimacy. In fact, it's very often beneficial to have these talks when the stakes are low. When something comes up for us, we can have a sit-down conversation with our partners to discuss our desires. We create space without fear of judgment or disappointment. These two communication junctures can assist us in our pursuit to articulate our needs before they're screaming at us. 

You're a hero; take time for self-care! Self-care allows us to arrive in our interactions with abundance rather than scarcity. We can settle into our hero’s lair and relax, listen to music that moves us. Take a walk amongst nature or our fellow superheroes and civilians. The most important thing to remember is that making time for this must be prioritized. If we can create space and centeredness, we'll be more able to detach from our to-do lists and be vs. be doing. We can hold ourselves accountable in this way by scheduling weekly sessions on our calendar or dedicating time to the practice. 

As a fully minted super-sensitive superhero, we are ready to harness a pantheon of pleasure. Referred to as the Pleasure Wave, we are invited to play with our nervous system and expand pleasure into a journey, rather than a flash. As a highly sensitive person, intimacy can sometimes be overwhelming, unfulfilling, and even painful, but when harnessed it can also be one of the places our superpower shines its brightest. 

The Pleasure Wave recipe can lead to more peak sexual experiences that are enriching and enlightening.

• First, we should give ourselves a moment to arrive.

• Second, build anticipation and arousal (rapid boil).

• Third, create enjoyment rather than excitement (simmer).

• Fourth, repeat steps two and three until arousal becomes so potent and visceral we reach peak experience (could be climax or orgasm).

Some sensitive people can experience discomfort in the moments leading up to climax, tightening muscles, contorted limbs, overstimulation, etc. By taking moments to simmer between moments of arousal, we give our body permission to relax and find space to ground ourselves with our partner and the experience. 

Embodying super sensitivity and empathy can be enormously enriching ways to walk through the world. We are the hero we need, and we're the hero we deserve. We see you, and we support you; we encourage you to harness your superpower. 

Artwork by Heike Maria